pon: (yasu)
Today I have sat, watched TV, ravaged through chocolate and ritz biscuits...
I really can't be bothered doing anything. I feel quite personal and thoughtful and I know that if I walk outside into the 'real world' I'll immediately get shut off from this kind of state like a store shutter clamping down to the ground with a massive clang -__-
Then, suddenly, sociable and hyperactive Beth will appear and look as ditzy and happy as ever! *stupid grin*

Today is the first day I've actually wanted to do nothing. I've been going out with a lot of people because it's like they're all desperate to spend time together before we split, but one day of rest is fine right?! Well ok I lie... I've had more than one day of rest... it's just that today I really want to do it XD

There's a lot that I wanted to do that I haven't... things like drawings and writing and sewing and shit. I'm never gonna be able to do it all today lol but even going out to the cinema with Liam seems annoying to me :\

On a lighter note, I seem to be writing more fanfiction lately. It's not original writing but it's a step in the right direction, after all I haven't been writing at all lately. Along with that I got back into the idea of those bloody ball jointed dolls again... I know, they're actually lovely things, but they are terribly expensive and I'll never realistically get one...
Unless I got a job XD
The thing I really like about them is looking at other people's dolls. It's interesting. They dress them up and make their faces different and give them different wigs... it's a strange form of expression I suppose. Looking through pictures of them is like walking through an art gallery without the wank.
pon: (hiroto)
It's too late for me to form proper sentences XD

But I've come to this conclusion:

There is a friend. He is so open and so in touch with the emotions of himself and others that sometimes it's difficult to understand. He is a strong person who will stand up for himself, but sometimes his 'method' for doing so is more offensive than anything else. All round he just wants to grow as a person and help those who he likes on his way, nothing about him is tainted.

So keeping this in mind, here's the next part:

I am so oblivious to other people's actions that it takes me days to realise I've made a fool of myself. I do what I can to entertain others but in the process I've blocked out whatever depressing words that my friends have shared with me simply to continue being blissfully happy. The flaw in this method is that I live in a world that doesn't listen to anything but if anything breaks through the barriers I go crazy with emotion.


This guy likes me, I don't quite understand, but hey, I've found out that I can't deal with him here all the time being deep. It's a good thing I know but when I'm done thinking I move on like a bee to another flower. He's so clingy and I'm too fluttery. When he is weak, he is strong. When I am weak, I am weak.

It's not that I don't want to delve into dark places; if there was something to be fixed I would find the motivation to fix it by myself. What I don't like is constant invasion and constant attention to detail. It might work for some, but it doesn't for me. When I fall - I fall. I find it hard to get back up. I've decided to stay on top to learn a bit more about the surface before going underground.

So basically - Nope. The guy has obviously lost his mind. He needs a different buddy before this one suffocates. *dies of tiredness*

pon: (Nao glasses)
This night is quite relaxing... but there's good relaxing and boring relaxing. The kind where you wish you'd done more but by the time you realise it's already time for your body to sleep.

It's time I actually found something to write on these XD I use my Live Journal account far too much for personal issues and I'm worried that people take me as an emotional wreck.

Well I can stress out incredibly well. When I say well I mean bad. And when I say incredibly I mean terrifyingly.

Well one thing I can talk about is my health (seems so it's the main thing that keeps annoying me like a fly buzzing around my head >.<). I am so forgetful that I forget to take my tablets. It's for the sake of my own health and I still find it incredibly difficult. It sort of shows where my priorities are XD but to be honest I don't think there's enough difference in my state of health for me to be urgent. I mean I feel bad now without them but it's just a slow decay of normal health - nothing terribly serious. I think I need some kind of shock, but I don't really want one XD. It would end up being another asthma attack or something (I have far too much medicine for asthma. So many people have it yet I seem to be the most unlucky with it *rolls eyes*)

I have my good ol' Asthma (it's like my friend *holds hands*), I have anemia that I never get sorted out, I have hay fever that's currently making me kinda lousy and sneezy (but it's not important), I have Eczema everywhere (thanks to... god knows what... but my hands just bleeeed), I have this 'hypermobility' that apparently affects my joints and is the reason why they are so easily worn out when I work them too much (my hand shakes to the point of strangeness, but to be honest it hasn't done me too much harm... I don't quite understand why my doctor thinks this one is so important o.O) and finally I have my slight intolerance to lactose which recently, I think, made me ill in the stomach for a while (Which yet again I think is weird. I'm pretty sure I didn't used to be like this but hey I live with a hyperchondriac who sends me to a doctor who seems to throw tablets at me like they're skittles.)


I want sleep. I can't live without it and I need too bloody much of it! XD I sound like I'm whining because of my illness but I'm not... I'm just whining because there seems to be far more wrong with me than there actually is...

Why tablets? I need not these tablets!!!

Nao Pictures, Images and Photos
He's just a bit too sexy for his own good isn't he?

pon: (Default)

I watched episode 9 subbed and I wasn't sure whether to cry for Honma or Kamiyama. Well it's all terribly sad, and just when I thought Honma was nice... dun dun duuuun!!!

This weeks been full of stuff happening. I need rest! Well I guess it's good I'm doing stuff but I know that soon I won't have money and everything will go downhill.

I think that I'm starting to get totally selfish though. If there is a day when I don't think I'm doing anything I'll feel lonely and weird. It's like I'll suddenly get upset over nothing. Sometimes when I'm actually doing stuff I'll wish I'll be having a rest XD

I need to learn to be equal!!!



It's so fun. The drama just doesn't stop! I really didn't think it would be like that at all....


Jun. 19th, 2009 10:59 am
pon: (Default)
My first blog!

I don't have much to say on this but... hey!
Ironically it is also my birthday! I'm 18 but I don't want to be... :(
I still feel 15... twas the best age!!!

Anyway I shall customise this later, I have a lot to do!


pon: (Default)

September 2009

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